if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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