puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
