I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
