this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
