Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
