my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
