You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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