Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
