He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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