and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
