No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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