dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize