so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize