We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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