I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
