i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
