My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
