Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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