That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
