I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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