where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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