new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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