he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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