I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
