Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
