I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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