Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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