Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize