can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
