I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize