I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
