My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
