A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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