Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
