Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
