3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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