check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
