I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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