So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
