I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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