she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i love accidental penises.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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