I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
be right there i have to get my cape
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
