i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
