Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
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