Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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