I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
