I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
