Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
