She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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