is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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