I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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