I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
