so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
