i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
