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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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