i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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