Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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