Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
