As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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