That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
