dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
