Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
