this beer tastes like vomit already
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
