I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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