No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
How external is "for external use only"?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize