and you said cock pushups were impossible
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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