I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize