that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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