i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
