Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
