Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
