i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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