people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You are the jesus of drinking
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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