stop calling my apartment porn island.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize