my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
